We need to talk

It's not just the pay gap that we need to talk about.

Things we just don’t talk about

in social company;




Our annual salary.


So we never close the pay gap,

Which is hidden out of view,

Never challenge our convictions,

Whether red or blue,

And we never ask the question

Of how a loving God,

Created life to eat each other,

Which is really rather odd.


And while we’re on the subject,

There are other things taboo,

That we can’t share with others,

To get their point of view.


I would like to raise the subject,

Between courses over supper.

Of how to spice my sex life,

So it doesn’t come a cropper.


How do all my friends cope,

When they’ve been a long time wed,

Trying to ring the changes,

In the same old marital bed.


Do they dress up as nurses,

Or in silky lingerie,

Or try a bit of bondage,

As in 50 shades of grey.


Do they use chocolate sauce,

Or cans of squirty cream,

Nipple clamps or bollock cramps,

To make their partner scream.


We chat across the cheeseboard,

As we all enjoy the brie,

But it’s just about safe topics

Like yesterday’s TV.


So, if I can’t ask the question,

I can only guess,

That just like me they always try,

To do their very best.


To convince the thrill of romance,

Is the reason they’re together,

When more likely it’s the mortgage,

And a fear of finding better.


And all the time it’s secret,

And we never know what’s true,

We think that we’re the only one,

Who hasn’t got a clue.